Motherhood.

Call me crazy, but I feel better when I write. I know, I may put too many comas, or not enough, I may punctuate wrong, or even spell a word wrong here and there. So sue me. As I've come to learn, we all make mistakes. (and my sister is the writer in the family)

I keep seeing all these things about mothers, some pregnant and so excited for their new arrivals to come, some first time mothers, some soon to be first time mothers, some experienced mothers. Most of what I see is happy wonderful post about being moms. The new mothers posting a ton of darling pictures of their little ones. The first time expecting mothers, so excited to meet their new bundle of joy, so happy and so in love with that sweet baby still snuggled inside of them. So many happy wonderful things about being a mom, I mean who wouldn't want to be a mom right? Having a new baby in your home is so amazing, it's a miracle really, that they get here in one piece, alive and kicking. You have their crib up ready to put them in, the closet full of clothes, diapers and wipes ready. So many cute things, the car seat all ready in the car, just waiting to bring baby home. This is what I see all the time...the happy parts of being a mom. In truth no one ever tells you the hard side of being a mother. In all fairness- I'm going to get raw and real here, because as much fun as it is being a mom, no body tells you about how incredibly hard it also is.

I remember when I was 18 working at a Day Care. I loved it there. Yes, I loved screaming kids, and the whole lot of it! I remember taking care of the two year old's. Bless their little hearts they were crazy, and I loved every minute of it. I  danced with them, sang to them, changed diapers, I did their hair, blew bubbles, wiped their noses, and I think once, I even got bit, and thrown up on. In the afternoon I taught the three year old's. No one wanted to teach them ha- they said they were too crazy. I however, loved that class. I had 12 three year old's all to my self, every afternoon. In truth, all those kids were my babies. My first kids. And I miss them everyday. Except they are not babies anymore- they are teenagers now, and I'm sure they don't ever remember who I am anymore. But they shaped who I am today, they helped me become the mother that I am today. While working there, I also worked with the infants too. That job will always be a part of me, I got engaged while working there, and married. I even worked there until I had my first son.

I remember, finding out I was pregnant. Oh, boy was I scared to death ha! But so excited! Then, I got sick. Really sick. Lost 15 pounds sick. So truthfully, my mothering experience didn't start out too well. I should have know...ha ha! No, somehow I survived the pregnancy. Then the delivery was awful. In labor for two days, after all the misery, finally getting a c-section. Which I kinda, sorta, had a panic attack in the middle of it- and they had to put me out...not my greatest moment, I'll admit. But truthfully, no one told me what a c-section entails, granted, I knew the basics, but I was SO not prepared. And I was just 21 years old for that matter. So I wasn't prepared for a c-section, but I was however, prepared to be a mom. I mean, I worked at a day care, I was with kids all the time! Surely, I was ready for this. Piece a cake. And I had all the cute baby stuff all ready to bring him home too.

Now, I'm only telling this story, not to scare first time moms or have any mom think, I don't like being a mother. Because that is NOT the case. At all. I'm simply telling my story, because I wish someone would have told me, before I had my baby, that being a mom is one of the hardest things I would ever do. Most first time moms tell me how much they enjoyed being a new mom, their baby was sooo good. He/She hardly ever cried, slept awesome. They just had great babies. All babies are good, but some are just harder than others. And my little boy, well let's just say, he cried the minute we stepped into our house with him for the first time, and never stopped...and I wish I could say that I was prepared. I wasn't. Not even close. He had colic, and was just sad. He cried all the time. And I just didn't understand..why? Why me I thought? Why can't I have a good baby. Why is this happening. I told you I was going to get raw and real here. I can honesty say, there were times when I didn't want to be a mom anymore. Times, when I just wanted to give up. No one told me about being up all night, and the screaming that wouldn't stop. Oh they told me I guess, but you have to really experience it for yourself, just because you think you're prepared..ha you're not..and I was more prepared that most, being were I worked. Oh, and I cried with him...we cried together. I felt guilty, all these mom's around me seemed so happy, had it all together. Not a care in the world, just happy babies and happy moms. We would go out, and I would see these babies just sitting in their car seats so nice, and content. I couldn't even bring my son to the store, because he hated to sit still. Didn't want to be confined in the cart. Even when he was 1 year old we still couldn't go to dinner anywhere with him. He hated sitting in the high chair. I honestly, thought it was my fault that my child acted like this, it was frustraing and depressing at times. But it wasn't all bad. There were many times with him, that I loved, he was my baby, and even though he liked to cry. I loved him more than anything in this world. I think having a harder baby, made me a stronger women, and mother. He has taught me a lot over the years.

-"A sweet and obedient child will enroll a father or mother only in Parenting 101. If you are blessed with a child who tests your patience to the 9th degree, you will be enrolled in Parenting 505. Rather than wonder what you might have done wrong in the premortal life to be so deserving, you might consider the more challenging child a blessing and opportunity to become more godlike yourself. With which child will your patience, long-suffering, and other Christlike virtues most likely be tested, developed, and refined? Could it be possible that you need this child as much as this child needs you?"


I have learned that it's okay to cry with your baby in the middle of the night, it's not my fault that I had a hard baby, I'm still a good mom. It took me a while to realize that. But I finally did. I have also learned after having my third son, that every baby cry's, every baby gets sad and you can't comfort them, every baby wakes up at night, and ever baby is hard. Even if he is considered a good baby. And every baby needs a mom who can be there through the worst and the best times. And there will be worst times: When they get their first fever and you can't get it down, when they start teething, when they poop all over, when you wake up in the middle of the night to them throwing up, worrying so much you think you'll die. They will pick their nose in public, and even pee their pants, they'll say something and you'll be like where the heck did you hear that? When he's running down the hall, you are right behind them, they slip on the tile and run into the wall, you grab him, and realize that blood is dripping down his head. You then have to watch as he get staples in his head, all the while, your bawling wishing you could take his pain away. They will throw up on you, and not eat their dinner. Taking them to the doctor in the dead of the night. They will eat too much candy, throw a fit on the floor in wal mart, cry until you think your ears might bleed, and oh so many more things..I've found though, these things will only make you STRONGER.

 "You never see the hard days in a photo album... but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next."

There is also so much GOOD that comes from being a mother..
When their eyes light up when they see you, when they kiss your face, and give you a million hugs, when they want you to read to them, or snuggle with them, when they blow you a kiss, tell you they love you. Sing silly songs. At night when you sneak into their room and watch them sleep, when you sit and watch them play, when they go potty in the big boy potty, when they sleep all night, when you are up for a late night feeding and their cute little eyes look so deep into your soul, you can't believe you were so blessed to have this little child. When they roll over, start crawling, take their first step. Smile at you, like you're their whole world. When you watch them play soccer for the first time. When they see their first Christmas tree, and find their first Easter egg. They say "I'm going to marry you mom." Your heart melts into a million pieces. They have taught me so many things, it's okay to get dirty, and play with your food sometimes, it's okay to play Nerf Guns in the house. Don't always worry about laundry and cleaning the house, the dishes will still be in the sink tomorrow. It's okay to drop everything I'm doing to drive cars around the house. There is so much joy being a mom. But, I have learned raising my three crazy boys, that raising children is so unpredictable. You never know what's going to happen. You don't know what tomorrow will bring. So it's okay to cry when you think you can't do it anymore. It's not your fault if your baby seems harder than others. It's okay to take a break, put them down, and let them cry for a min. It's okay. Being a mom is one of the most challenging, wonderful ,stressful, crazy, most amazing thing I've ever done. Being pregnant for me was actually one of the hardest times of my life. So, having more kids for me, was a pretty big deal. Not only did I have a super hard baby- but just getting them here, was so awful for me, and the c-sections are not much fun either..I think that's why I waited four years to have my last son. And even though, I'm older this time around, with my first two- I was 21 and 23. So young. But even now, it's hard having a new baby. It's not easy, but so amazing when that little tiny baby looks at you for the first time, smiles, and you can't help but love that sweet spirit.

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Having kids have also taught me, to be conscious of what you say to others. Because, to you something may seem like it's not big deal, but to a new mom, even little things can hurt their feelings. I know, I'm guilty of it. But didn't realize this until becoming a mother myself. So I've learned to think before I say something about somebody's baby. After having my third son, I get things from people about, how they can't believe I have THREE boys?! I had better have another one, so I can get my girl. Well, first off, it's non of your business complete stranger at Wal Mart...how many kids I have. And FYI- I like having three boys, my family is perfect the way it is. This IS my family, and will be for the rest of my life. Don't let anyone tell you that you should have more kids, or that you have too many kids. And frankly, I think anyone who has had a baby, had that experience, and had their body change soo much, and never really go back the way it was once before, I think you're a rock star- regardless if you have 10 kids, or just 1. Either way, you are amazing. Those who can't have kids, and have adopted, I also think you're super awesome. Because you too chose to raise a baby, and be a mother.

Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother.

So I guess the reason I'm writing this- is because I want other mothers to know, that you don't have to be perfect. It's okay to cry. Being a mother is hard. Being a mother is wonderful. But I want people to know, that if you think you can't do it on a hard night, day- whatever. You can. You will, because you are a mother, and a great one at that. Sometimes you think the hard times will never end, think the good times were too short..but coming from a mom, who was blessed with a very active child, and two other crazy boys..just enjoy the ride. Take it one day at a time, because ever if you have a super hard day, tomorrow always comes. A new day will begin, no matter what- everyday is a new day and it will get easier. Before you know it, you're dropping them off on their first day of Kindergarten. Their little hand will let go of yours and they will walk into school without you...and you will be left standing there bawling again. But for a different reason this time. And you will think back to when he was that tiny baby screaming in your arms, and crazily you will want those moment back, because you don't want him to grow up, because how did that baby turn into this wonderful child? When I thought back then it would never end..just look at what he's become. Smartest kid in his class, that's what. What I'm saying is; no matter what stage of motherhood you're in- their will be tears, laughs, pull out your hair moments, and just pure joy.

 I love being a mother- that is all I do. Some days, I feel inadequate though. Like, I'm not doing anything with my life. I have no talents, and I just feel like- Oh, I'm just a mom. Nothing special. I don't do anything but drop my kids at school, and preschool, and take care of my new baby. I'm not really worth anything. Yes, I have thought these things, more times than once. But as my mom has told me countless times. "Chaleese you are a mother, and that is far more important than anything else." So, don't ever forget that. If you're a working mother, or a stay at home mom. You ARE important, you are special, because you are raising these tiny special spirits. I think that's pretty amazing. I am not a perfect mother by any means- My boys, test, try, and make me crazy everyday, but all I know is that I TRY. I try to be the best mother I can, and I hope that someday when my boys are older and have a family of their own, they will look back and think, wow, I did have a pretty freakin' awesome mom. ;)

This is my favorite quote about motherhood- I hope you enjoy it, and I know, many people wont read this post, but I feel better getting my story out there, and hope one way or an other- it helps a mother out there somewhere.

- Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.- Elder M. Russel Ballard